My Latest NYT Piece

It's not an easy read, but it's a crucial one

Hi Friends,

I’ve been thinking about how to introduce my latest piece to you. It hit the New York Times site Friday morning and has been the #1 story sitewide ever since; it will be the lead essay in this week’s “Sunday Opinion” section in print. I’m so grateful for the visibility, because it is urgent and possibly lifesaving. I also know it’s going to make every parent (and a lot of non-parents) recoil. So: sorrysorrysorry.

The article is about the rapid normalization—and I absolutely do mean normalization--of sexual strangulation (or “choking”) among teens and young adults and the emerging science showing its potential not only to be lethal but to cause brain damage and trigger mood disorders. I’d been tracking the trend anecdotally for a while, and hearing about the research from Dr. Debby Herbenick at Indiana University, but when, this winter there was a  #1 hit song (currently over 100 million views on YouTube) with a choking theme I knew we’d reached a tipping point.

By the way, if you don’t believe me that choking is a thing, go ask your teen or college student what they know about it. I’ll wait.

See?

So, it is absolutely crucial to get this information out ASAP far and wide. I hope you’ll read the piece and share it.

I thought a lot about how to craft this article. First of all, to convince editors that it was mainstream, since people over 30 or so are actually pretty unaware. Secondly, to write it in a way that wouldn’t make people turn the page, whether physical or virtual. It took all the skill I’ve built up over years of writing about teens and sex: opening not with the actual scary thing itself, but easing in (albeit quickly) through a palatable conversation with a source, something that would pique reader curiosity. Then building to the harder stuff in a way that would keep you reading (I hope), sprinkling in just a little humor. You can tell me if I succeeded.

Anyway, if you have a tween, teen or emerging adult you’re going to need to have this conversation with them, or at least get them to read the story. I also highly recommend to parents the recent book Yes, Your Kid, by Dr. Herbenick,  It is one of the best how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-sex books I’ve ever read, along with Shafia Zaloom’s Sex, Teens & Everything in Between (for more suggestions you can see the resource list on my web site).

And if this is all too much, Unraveling is now out in paperback. So feel free to pick it up and sink into the joyous comfort of a yarn about creativity, love, loss, and life in a complicated time. Or check out a few pictures (the sweater! Me shearing! My beautiful handmade, hand dyed yarn!) by scrolling down here.

Thank you, as always, for your readership—and happy spring!

-P